I’m going to get crazy. I’m scared to lose it, to say good-by to my mind forever. I can’t stand being the whole time with psychologists and psychiatrists around telling me that I don’t want to let them helping me because things are not going well. So, when things are not going well is my fault. I’m not letting them helping me!. What I’m doing here hospitalized? I would fly already if I wouldn’t want help.
I don’t need this, I need a friend to talk with, but nobody is answering my mails today, the day I’m needing them so badly, I’m feeling so lonely, so out of everything, isolated. But at the same time I’m afraid to see anybody because I don’t want to hurt my friends, with my sadness and this new thing that has appeared in my life, in the last days, this ugly anger sometimes I can’t control.
And my mom, What can I say about her?. She’s 92. She’s alone at home thinking on me. I can’t take care of her as I use to do. I’m calling her every day. I have to rehearse before to make sound my voice hopeful, to avoid worrying her and make her suffer, every day.
I need my family. I need a friend to talk with, to go out and chat for hours, I need someone who won’t care if I get nervous or I cry, someone who won’t analyze me, someone who would talk to me and let me talk about … I don’t care what: The wind, the clouds, the Ocean, people passing by, what happened today at home, the little things of that normal life I miss so much. This blog is my friend today.
To my friends: this is a situation from the past but is real.